Courtney and I visited the hospital today to meet with the oncology team. They relayed that Raina has an atypical teratoid/rhabdoid tumor (ATRT). This is probably the worst news we could have received... ATRTs are highly aggressive and prone to metastasis. They appear to be at the extreme end of the malignant tumor spectrum. Long term survival does not seem likely. A second and possibly third opinion will be solicited, however we do not expect that the diagnosis will vary significantly.
The shreds of hope we had been clinging too are all but gone. The grim reality is starting to settle in and it is carving out a void that I suspect will never be filled. I do not know how parents cope with the loss of a child. It seems impossible to me.
Courtney and I have resolved again to enjoy all of the time we have with Raina. To really succeed at this it seems likely that we must postpone much of our grieving... Grieving for the life we had planned, for the reality we knew just two weeks ago and for the daughter that may not have the chance to grow up. I think otherwise we will be unable to enjoy the time we spend with her. Hopefully this is not too ambitious a goal.
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